Thursday, 7 March 2013


This post is about me today
I have OCD doctors say I have part OCD
I don't usually talk about it because people don't understand and treat me like I'm stupid
People associate OCD with being very clean it isn't always that way
All my childhood I was called lazy and often crazy
I'm not lazy i find it difficult to do things there 2 different things
When I walk into a room that's a mess I can't just clean it like normal people I have to come up with a plan of action sometimes ill clean a bit of counter in the kitchen then go into living room and clean a bit of the floor then go into kitchen again if the bin is full I can't clean kitchen full stop now to normal people that probably comes across she's too lazy but to me all I can see in my head is bugs crawling so id rather not even look at it it totally stresses me out would end up with me having a panic attack and me scratching myself all day now in my eyes it isn't worth it.

I'm lucky I have the best husband ever he tells me to wait until he gets home and he will do it.

Sometimes I have to phone rob and he will tell what I have to do I'm always trying to get reassurance that I'm doing the right thing I'm so paranoid that everyone is talking about me and staring at me and judging me

  • Sometimes ill lie awake at night thinking that someone is breaking into the house and end up scaring myself
  • I have this unreal thing where I feel as if I must confess even if its something simple
  • Yes I hoard I'm not as bad as I used to be recently we threw out loads of baby clothes from when I had depression I was hanging on to them thinking I needed them to survive it was hard to get rid of them rob is throwing them into bags and I'm sitting there panicking and crying but I was so proud of myself.
  • I also do the repeating of words I count the letters in words to myself I whisper it to myself i used to this as a kid when on the toilet when reading a book
  • i have this thing where i have to wear the clothes i wore the night before i couldn't go downstairs undressed it might sound weird but I've done this for years
  • i cant fold clothes not that i dont want to i just cant
  • finally i seem to convince myself i haven't got OCD as strange as it sounds suppose i want to feel normal but I'm not normal.
life isnt easy for me but i never give up and thats what matters
i want to give my kids a half normal life

I found this online some of these are me to a tee some of them aren't of course

Compulsive behaviour
Compulsions arise as a way of trying to reduce or prevent the harm of the obsessive thought. However, this behaviour is either excessive or not realistically connected at all.

For example, a person who fears becoming contaminated with dirt and germs may wash their hands 50 times a day, or someone with a fear of causing harm to their family may have the urge to repeat an action multiple times to try to "neutralise" the thought of harm. This latter type of compulsive behaviour is particularly common in children with OCD.

Most people with OCD realise that such compulsive behaviour is irrational and makes no logical sense, but they cannot stop acting on their compulsion.

Some common types of compulsive behaviour that affect people with OCD include:

•checking (such as checking doors are locked, or that the gas or a tap is off)
•ordering and arranging
•asking for reassurance
•needing to confess
•repeating words silently
•prolonged thoughts about the same subject
•"neutralising" thoughts (to counter the obsessive thoughts)

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